Archive for February, 2010

IKEA: The Ultimate Challenge of Man

One of the greatest desires for creation is fueled by the excuse to build the unnecessary. Since the dawn of time, man has built constructs that, while glorious in their edifice, merely serve as testimonials to our status as intellectual and physical giants amongst the kingdom of puny creatures. Because they neither allow for convenience nor necessity, it is then that they simply exist for our amusement, wallowing in aesthetics.

The challenge of creation is a tough one, of which not everyone can muster up the manhood to erect a grandiose structure from the ground up. But those who complete such a task stand proud of their masculine accomplishment while hoards of onlookers reach out for a chance to steal a peek at the beaming light that emanates from your great superstructure.

Although there are centralized merchant chains that serve as Mecca’s for tools of creation (all hail Home Depot!), there exists an international mercantile that also invokes our creationist spirit: IKEA.

These Swiss power-heavies challenge us, with every purchase, to decode their cryptic instructional booklets so that we can produce superb architectural feats to reinforce our domestic showmanship, proving, with each completion, that we are truly supreme beings of intellect and motivation. Sometimes they even treat us to the “Macgyver” exercise training course, in which the necessary components for assembly are intentionally left out. We must then use our primitive critical thinking skills to complete the backbreaking task using our own wits and household objects for substitute!

While others try to pass off pre-built “furniture” as adequate purchases, IKEA says to us: You. Man. Go into the world, and build! Find your confidence in your proficient use of Allen keys! Turn your screwdrivers to the right in defiance! You will inevitably complete every task from step 1A to 32G, no matter the cost!


02 2010