Vegetables and Salads – Diary of a Wimpy Dude

In my search for all things masculine I came across an article A Dude Explains Why Salad is ‘man food’ by a Mr. John DeVore who claims he has discovered the new way to eat. This so called “man” has decided to decree that his manliness is attributed to eating “salads”.

Salads, people!


Now, since I only eat raw animal meat and fried bacon at every meal like a true male I had to do some research in order to find out what he was talking about. After I typed “salad” into a search engine I was horrified at what I found!

Apparently living off of Mother Nature doesn’t mean the same to him that it means to me. I would suggest discontinue reading any further for fear that you might have become severely depressed at this guy’s actions, but I don’t have “fear” and nobody who reads this blog gets “depressed” (whatever that means). So we shall continue bravely.

Even in the face of ridicule from his buddies for not eating “man-food” he chomps down on… *sigh* …vegetables in order to feel healthy and lose weight.

Readers, I am conflicted.

On one hand, this guy is choosing to change his dietary habits to match that of a rabbit (instead of eating said rabbit in a thick n’ hearty stew). On the other hand, he’s so manly that he has the audacity to present himself as an independent from the pack and stand proudly doing it, which, in some ways, is even manlier because he’s choosing to be a leader instead of a follower. Hey, I never said the rules of Man were simple!

While he makes outrageous claims that “man-food” made of “butter-soaked pancakes” and “pots of napalm-hot chili” aren’t what doctors might call “healthy”, we must applaud his ability to boldly progress into the foreign territory of digestion. DeVore claims that his new lifestyle choice has not turned him into a sissy but into quite the lady lover, as his loss of weight and healthy sexual appetite has replaced his appetite for a double bison burger.

I don’t know if I buy such an outlandish statement because we all know how some men exaggerate their accomplishments. I, however, am always looking for new ways to increase my ability to tame the wild beast that is the female species. And if salads can turn you into a sexual tiger then maybe this DeVore guy has made quite a discovery, even if it does come from the vegetable garden.

In conclusion, we should consider taking this dude’s advice and munch on some carrot sticks. I guess even a wimp can be a tough rough and musky man-bear sometimes. Just indulge in some serious meat mastication every once in a while to remind yourself that you still got a pair! And put some BBQ sauce on it!!!!

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Curtis Lacombe

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03 2010

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